A Reason to Believe

01.17.12

Life is good. Great, in fact. Because I choose for it to be that way. I certainly have my hurdles. As a wife and mother of three, those hurdles can be extensions of myself. But they can also be reasons to jump higher than ever before.

Physically, I'm struggling. My hip pain began in September and progressively got worse. Since it came so soon after the birth of my third child, I brushed it off as "not a big deal." By December, I had trouble walking. An MRI revealed that I had Avascular Necrosis or AVN.

This meant that my blood was not circulating to my hips and because of that, my bones were (are) deteriorating. I was in total shock, as was the doctor who said this was a typical diagnosis for people in their 60s. I'm 32.

I don't know why I have AVN. None of the known causes (long-term steroid use, deep sea diving, radiation, etc.) matched up. I may never know why and I'll come to terms with that in due time.

Since my legs felt useless, my arms went into overdrive, mainly with my picking up my two youngest children. I've lost ranges of motion in my right shoulder. An MRI this week will reveal the problem. I hope it is not AVN. It is possible to get AVN in your shoulder, though not likely, according to my doctor. We shall see.

I kept much of this information to myself. I didn't want others to think I was seeking their sympathy and certainly everyone has their own issues to deal with. But I was urged to share this with my friends and I did.

Their wisdom never ceases to amaze me. Granted, my family is always there, doing so much. I am so blessed to have this type of support. But the responses I received from my friends was nothing less than perfect.

One friend shared an appleseed analogy that concluded: "It is a FACT that your body is broken right now," she said. "But it is the TRUTH that God wants you well."

Another friend shared the importance of laughter. I couldn't agree more. I would go completely insane if I couldn't find the humor in life. She also shared a verse from the Bible (John 14:13-14): "Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it."

It's important for me to believe that. Without my faith, I would be lost. I understand that we all must find our own ways. We have to, because we simply have to believe in something to keep going.

After core decompression surgery to both hips (and possible surgery to my shoulder), I will be in a wheelchair for six weeks. I expect those six weeks to serve as some of my greatest lessons in life. I welcome the challenge. I know it will be difficult in my inaccessible home with one fully functioning arm and a full-time job to keep up with.

I'm positive that I will fully recover. I will pick up my children and run with them again. I will give my family and friends strong hugs and not weak ones.

Until then and beyond, I'll laugh as much as possible.